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February 1
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God's Pain

:iconnakos:

"Don't you see my friend? The Universe is alive!" - said Jack with excitement in his eyes.

"How is that?" - asked Joe with most boredom in his voice he has ever achieved.

"We are not living in a universe. We are part of the Universe. We consider ourselves alive therefore the Universe itself is alive. We are organs of the Universe. We are the brain of the Universe... not the smartest brain, but brain."

"Oh, I see." said as if he wasn't excited at all. In reality he was. But he hated Jack for his ideas.

"Don't you see what does this mean? We are the God. We are the life force and organs of the God. God is a universe. We don't have to believe in a god. We are the God!"

At this moment Joe pulled the trigger. The gun was pointed to his head. He killed a part of God.

Why had he done this? Jack never knew. He assumed that Joe has always hated God. Knowing he can cause pain to god, he killed himself. Joe was always selfish.

The End 
9 Comments
:iconnakos:
I decided to write a super short story about one of my thoughts about the Universe and our place in it. I wrote this as it come in my mind, I didn't planed it or anything (that is why I used Joe and Jack for names).

I wanted it a little surreal and random, with not too deep characters. And I wanted it super fast. Whenever I write something by planing it it always bad. So I decided not to overthink it this time.
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:iconbobkitty1123:
~bobkitty1123 Feb 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I liked it. I can understand Joe's way of thing, albeit a bit deranged. The concept, I think was sound, but while you did want this to be super short, I think a slightly longer scene might have made this seem less rushed. Or maybe, just a suggestion, you could have turned this into a script where dialogue is key. Other than that I think it was thought provoking.
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:iconnakos:
=NAkos Feb 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you. To be honest I really didn't think about this one. I like to write as it comes without rules.

I am always happy when someone critique me with good advice :) Thank you, I will keep in mind these ideas / suggestion next time :)

--
Give me a Llama!

My Twitter: [link]
My site: [link]
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:iconbobkitty1123:
~bobkitty1123 Feb 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yea, I completely agree there. I hate when I hear people telling an author that they heard that you can't used adverbs or some other thing. I write for me, not you or any site that feels they need to give us rules. Literature is free, and yes, an overuse of adverbs isn't great but to say to never use them is a bit overkill.

And, having said that, you don't even have to consider anything I've said. Either way I have a feeling that you're just going to do what your going to do. Just keep doing what your doing.
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:iconnakos:
=NAkos Feb 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
It works like this: people say critique that I read and think about it. Next time I write / photograph / make random stuff I do it with knowledge I gained from those responses without thinking about them, when I create something.

There were times when I tried directly think about tips and critiques when I started to do something new, but I always over thought them.

--
Give me a Llama!

My Twitter: [link]
My site: [link]
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:iconalwaysstinkyassassin:
~AlwaysStinkyAssassin Feb 1, 2012
I like your thinking, but is it really possible to hurt a god made of 8 billion people on ONE planet and probably infinitely more in this universe?
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:iconnakos:
=NAkos Feb 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Of course not :) But Joe wasn't thought like this. :P

--
Give me a Llama!

My Twitter: [link]
My site: [link]
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:iconalwaysstinkyassassin:
Mood: Neutral ~AlwaysStinkyAssassin Feb 1, 2012
I like your thinking, but is it really possible to hurt a god made of 8 billion people on ONE planet and probably infinitely more in this universe?
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:iconlildash:
~LilDash Feb 1, 2012
elgondolkodtató
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:iconklauka1990:
~Klauka1990 Feb 1, 2012
the same opinion :)

--
"You found all the ways to keep me near, but never made me more than i hate you..."
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